The Worst Comic Book Heroes Ever

Graham Host
DC Marvel
DC Marvel Comics

Everyone can name their superheroes, like Wonder Woman, Superman or Vision. Then you get the heroes, Cyborg, Iron Man and Ant-Man. After that, there’s the various low-level clutter that serves no particular purpose but springs up now and again. Next are the civilians and their background mundaneness. And finally, the heroes so bad that we wish we could forget. Not exactly useless but so close that they’re practically living in denial, the unspeakable horrors of drunken bets that were lost. With powers as useless as making boiling water bubble, cast your judgemental glare at the other end of the scales from the superheroes. Here are some of the worst comic book heroes ever.

Cypher – Human Translator

You remember how the members of Star Trek would wear their little badges? Those were their comms and universal translators. Of course, the X-Men lacked these little doohickies so they instead had Cypher. His mutant ability is to translate anything, Terran or alien. Being absolutely useless in serious battles, Cypher would eventually be killed off by the evil geneticist known as Ani-Mator.

Rainbow Girl – Controls Her Own Emotions

Remember how the Green Lantern Corps runs on willpower, the Blue on hope and various other on their own emotions? Rainbow Girl could channel these energies to aid her teammates in battle. Sounds awesome right? No, she can’t actually channel the powers themselves just their emotions. Her superpower is basically mood swings. Coupled with a pheromone shield that makes people like her, Rainbow Girl is practically a bundle of teenage angst.

Color Kid – Changes Colours

In the far future, the Justice League is on a break and the Legion of Super-Heroes stands in their place. They hold try-outs and let new people join all the time. Bart Allen (grandson of Barry Allen) even has his cousin serving in the Legion under the title of XS. But for those without even sub-par powers (like this list), there is the Legion of Substitute Heroes. Color Kid is a brave member of this crew with the ability to change the colour of objects. Need a quick hair-do? Color Kid is the guy for you! Also starring is Chlorophyll Kid (with his ability to grow plants) and Matter-Eater Lad (who can eat things).

Zan – Different Forms of Water

Recall the Wonder Twins? Whilst Jayna has the ability to take on the shape and abilities of any creature (real or mythical), Zan becomes some form of water. Mist, ice, snow – plain water. So when the alien forces come to invade, Jayna can become a dragon and decimate the ranks whilst Zan can make like a small puddle and get some boots relatively wet.

Doorman – Human Doorway

Avengers, assemble! Sorry, sorry. Great Lakes Avengers, gather forces! Marvels knock-off of their own star team, Doorman is a proud member of the group. His superpower? Door powers! To be clearer, he becomes a doorway. Doorman presses up against a wall and his teammates can pass straight through him and into the next room. This amazing feat only works from one room to the next and is a one-way ticket. Once a person fully steps through, they can’t get back and Doormatman can’t step through himself.

Graham Host is a member of the Fan Contributor program. In his spare time, he enjoys the works of Terry Pratchett, DC Comics and a wide assortment of video games. Under no circumstances should he be fed after midnight.
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