The Wisdom of ‘Jessica Jones’: 15 of the Funniest, Snarkiest Quotes From S2

Chris Tilly
TV Streaming
TV Streaming Netflix Marvel

Jessica Jones is famous for her sharp tongue, quick wit, and speedy ripostes. So with Season 2 now streaming on Netflix, we’ve gathered together her finest one-liners and cruellest put-downs from all 13 episodes.

Just BEWARE OF MILD SPOILERS AHEAD…

On threats: “I always deal with threats head on. Meaning I punch them in the head until they are unconscious. Wanna see?”

When a rival says he won’t take no for an answer: “How rapey of you.”

On Trish‘s new boyfriend: “I’ll look into him. You’ve often needed protection from your own vagina.”

To the woman asking questions while serving drinks: “Giving a s–t won’t get you a better tip.”

On why she won’t tell the cops the truth: “A poodle doesn’t show its belly to a pit-bull if it doesn’t want its guts ripped out.”

To the guy on the floor: “I said I wouldn’t hit a guy in a wheelchair. But you’re not in a wheelchair now.”

On Dr. Karl, the man who gave her super-strength: “He destroyed us. He’s a pervert with a god complex who made himself a powered girlfriend for kicks.”

To her anger management class: “My whole family was killed in a car accident. Someone did horrific experiments on me. I was abducted, raped, and forced to kill someone. And now some maniac says that I’m here for a reason. Like some sick destiny. She’s out killing people. And I’m in here. BOUNCING. A GOD-DAMN. BALL.”

On mums: “There’s no manual that tells you what to do when your mother, who’s been dead for 17 years, comes back and is a mass murderer. I’m kinda winging it.”

To the man who molested Trish: “Hey Max. I’ve heard a lot about you. All of it nauseating. Looks like your face got in the way of someone’s fist. Wanna replay?”

On cake: “That thing about having your cake and eating it too. Whoever said that probably didn’t have cake that killed people.”

To her rival, Price Chang: “Today I’m free. Do you know why? No, because you’re a s–tty investigator. So go talk to the cops. Go steal someone else’s cases. You know what? Go beat off in the corner. Because I don’t give a dead moose’s last s–t.”

On dreams: “Chasing your dreams can be deadly. Especially when a creep with a science hard-on promises to make them real.”

To Trish’s mum: “How does that plant taste? Keep talking if you want to find out.”

And finally, her suggestion for Kilgrave‘s profile on a dating app: “KK, Bodi. Translucid. Brit. Enjoys rape. Also dead.”

Season 2 of Jessica Jones is streaming on Netflix right now.

Chris Tilly
FANDOM Managing Editor in the UK. At this point my life is a combination of 1980s horror movies, Crystal Palace football matches, and episodes of I'm Alan Partridge. The first series. When he was in the travel tavern. Not the one after.
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