Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt‘s titular heroine is not the only character who is strong as hell. Enter Titus Andromedon, née Ronald Wilkerson, an unapologetically fabulous force to be reckoned with. When he’s not doling out dating or fashion advice or explaining what Tilda Swinton is (“No one knows”), he is doggedly pursuing his dream of someday becoming an off-off-Broadway star.
To get ready for the Season 3 premiere on May 19, here are a few reminders of why we could all use a little more Titus in our lives.
(Written while drinking Pinot by Tituss).
As Long as it Rhymes, Everything Will be Fines
Season 1 blessed us with possibly the world’s finest music video, “Peeno Noir,” a tribute to the power of male genitalia. The video is shot in elegant locations such as the outside of a strip club and an abandoned chandelier factory and includes multiple outfit changes with props. If you’re not already familiar with this musical masterpiece, then stop everything you’re doing, watch the above clip, and marvel at Titus’ creative genius in finding words that rhyme(ish) with “noir.”
Third Time’s Not the Charm, and Neither is the 10th
After his 10th failed audition, Titus decides to stage his own version of The Lion King and he’s promptly served a cease and desist by the sole audience member, a Disney lawyer. However, this first-hand experience with copyright infringement is not in vain. Later Titus threatens the owner of a costume rental shop to get the deposits back for him and all his non-licensed, off-branded costumed compatriots, including Aloha Cat (NOT Hello Kitty) and Treat Creature (NOT Cookie Monster).
Titus II Boyz II Men
In order to get new headshots, Titus lies to Lillian about having money, and the situation quickly spirals out of control. He and Lillian wind up attending the funeral of an elderly Korean man, where Titus serenades the attendees with a soulful Boyz II Men song. Good news: He crushes it. Bad news: He chooses the least appropriate hit single for the situation, “I’ll Make Love to You.”
Titus goes to an arcade to create some “professional” headshots to help him land some auditions. With Kimmy’s help, he changes costumes in the three seconds between photo booth flashes and transforms himself into an impressive and varied range of characters: a rapper, serious businessman, baby holding a giant lollipop, and some sort of bearded dinosaur wrangler.
Just a Small Town Gay
Kimmy’s friend and fellow ex-Mole Woman, Cyndee, visits New York with her boyfriend Brandon. Titus is convinced Brandon is small town gay because, among other things, he’s from Indiana but weighs less than 200 pounds. Titus attempts to out him by seducing him with stalks of corn while wearing a cowboy hat and overshorts. Brandon somehow manages to resist his advances.
An American Werewolf in…New York
Titus gets a job as Frankenwolf at a theme restaurant, Professor Dracula’s Spooky Laboratory and Bar and Grill. He soon discovers he gets treated better as a werewolf than an African American man: people ask him to hold their babies, cabs stop for him, and no one mistakes him for Samuel L. Jackson. His attempt to live as a werewolf ends quickly when his costume glue loses its adhesiveness, revealing his true identity.
Gonna Be Famous
When Titus accompanies Kimmy to Indiana for Reverend Richard Wayne Gary Wayne’s trial, he does a few interviews and gets a little taste of fame. During his big TV appearance, the cameras start rolling before he’s ready, and he’s caught singing about getting rich and burning off his skin tags. Also captured on camera is his subsequent pants-down meltdown when he finally realizes he’s live on air. The resulting video, “Gonna Be Famous (Remix),” complete with fart noises, goes viral and makes Titus an instant internet celebrity/fool.
Pizza Party for One
Titus celebrates his new divorce with a one-man pizza party (even though he totally has enough to share). We can relate.
The R&B Heaven Dance
Like Titus, we HATE when our cassette tape singles (cas-singles) get so unspooled that we have to say our goodbyes.
“Bye, Felicia” is way better in French.
Qui, we agree.
The Origin of Titus Andromedon
Newly married/trapped in the closet Ronald Wilkerson runs out on his bride during their wedding dance and becomes the best origin story since Logan.
Titus and Vonda recreate their wedding dance
In one of the greatest choreographed dance scenes in television. Only in New York, am I right?
“I’m a flamingo. Because I’m delicate, colorful, and I often stand on one leg due to a planter’s wart.”
We had no idea there were so many types of gays!
Can’t wait to see what kind of adventures Season 3 has in store. Keep living your best life, Titus.