Orphan Black just wrapped its fourth season with a big finale, “From Dancing Mice to Psychopaths,” featuring reunions, cloning 2.0, and a lot of dark twists. As Krystal wisely said, “You guys at this point have literally no idea what’s going on, it’s so cute.” Let’s dive in. Spoilers, obviously.
Brainy clone and Susan Duncan discover they’ve successfully created functional stem cells to treat the sestras, and suddenly Cosima is cut off from computer access and communication to Sarah, Mrs. S, and Kira. Susan doesn’t care about a cure for the Leda clones after all; she wants to restart human cloning. She locks Cosima away in Rachel‘s previous bedroom/cell and calls Rachel to tell her cloning is back on the table.
Later, Charlotte helps break Cosima out and tells them they have to get to a boat at the edge of the island. After trekking through the cold, they stumble across a camp and are taken in by the mysterious bearded man that appeared in Rachel’s robotic eye visions. At camp, Delphine emerges, and we forgive the showrunners for the fact she was gone for 80% of the season, because the Cophine reunion is so heartfelt that it didn’t even need words. But hugs are cut short as Cosima is rushed inside, hypothermic and convinced she is dying. She tells Delphine that she finished their homework and shows her the cell samples she stole from Susan’s lab, and Delphine warns her not to tell anyone because it’s not safe there. Things aren’t looking promising here, but at least they’re in it together?
Crazy Bitch Clone is back in Crazy Bitch mode. After a 50 Shades of Grey inspired romp with Ferdinand, she reconvenes the Neolution board to reveal her master, power-grabbing plan. By combining Susan’s cloning with Evie Cho‘s bot technology, she wants to create more clone lab rats (pot calling the kettle here) and introduce genetic change into generations over time. By the way, after Rachel helped take Evie down, the next-in-line Brightborn CEO, Dr. Van Lier, activated Evie’s cheek bot, sending her into early and permanent retirement. Ciao, Cho.
Rachel then jumps in a helicopter back to the island of Doctor Moreau and heads back to Susan’s house where the bearded man in her vision, the Messenger, is inside telling her, “Do not waiver.” After bitter words are exchanged between the mother and daughter, with Susan saying she regrets ever making Rachel. Rachel snaps, grabs a kitchen knife, and stabs Susan in the stomach.
Later Susan tells Rachel the man who built her eye is the “man behind the curtain” aka the man who wrote the book on Neolution over a century ago, P.T. Westmoreland. With Susan out of the way, Rachel calls Van Lier and tells him the science is secure, and he tells her Westmoreland will see her now. Then the doorbell rings and Rachel actually cracks a smile.
Emo Clone pretends she’s Krystal and corners Van Lier while he’s speaking to reporters, saying she’s from TMZ and asking him about Neolution and the attempted murder of Delphine. Sarah/Krystal leads him around the corner where she and Mrs. S question him at gunpoint, confirming Susan is indeed starting up the clone operation again and Rachel is heading to the island to grab the cell line and take over Neolution.
Sarah takes a helicopter to the island to go save Cosima (seriously, does everyone have access to one of these? Is Uber-copter a thing here?). She goes inside Susan’s house and follows a trail of blood to find the wounded Susan lying on the kitchen floor. Rachel then appears from behind and goes full American Psycho, attacking Sarah with her cane and then stabbing her in the leg with a kitchen knife. Susan threatens to shoot Rachel, providing enough of a distraction for Sarah to escape even after Rachel grabs the gun and unsuccessfully tries to shoot Sarah. That robotic eye allows her to see strange men and decapitated swans, but it makes Rachel a terrible shot.
Sarah then stumbles out on the beach and calls Mrs. S for help — but she and Kira are being held captive by Rachel’s weirdo other half, Ferdinand.
Oh, sweet, blonde, Kooky Clone. After recognizing Van Lier at a press conference on TV, she calls Felix to tell him she has information but wants to know what’s really going on, so Felix tells her to go to the comics store. It turns out that Krystal somehow found herself on the trail of the “French Doctor,” saw Detective Duko shoot Delphine while inadvertently saving her with her Kesha-esque-girl-power ringtone, and then saw Van Lier pull up in a van — with, what else, a helicopter standing by — to help the critically injured but still alive Delphine. Felix decides it’s time to let Krystal into Clone Club and introduces her to Sarah. But Krystal is not at all convinced of their genetic identicalness, considering her “tits are way bigger” and she’s a 10 compared to Sarah’s seven. Krystal then decides to drop her own knowledge bomb: There are human experiments (yes) and there are two factions fighting over them (yes), and the factions are Estée Lauder and a Swedish company called Neolution (ooh…so close). Then she says she knows Van Lier is Neolution (yes) and definitely had teenage acne (ok, probably).
We don’t see much of Feral Clone or Soccer Mom Clone in the finale. After returning from the wilderness to save Donnie and Alison from Neolution henchman Frank, Helena takes the Hendrixes off the grid and into the woods to her makeshift shelter. Helena’s become quite skilled at hunting deer with a bow and arrow and making fashionable clothes and accessories out of animal pelts, so this is actually the safest trio of the lot.
TL; DR: There are a lot of loose ends and a lot of lives in the balance. Sarah’s been violently attacked and is bleeding on the beach. Cosima’s getting sicker and hoping Delphine and a risky gene treatment will save her. Susan is wounded and trapped in her house. Alison is definitely struggling with digestive issues caused by Helena’s frontier cooking. Mrs. S and Kira are creepy Ferdinand’s hostages. Rachel’s power play seems to have paid off, for now.
The series just announced their fifth and final season, so that leaves only a limited amount of time and so many unanswered questions: When will Helena have her twins? Where can we get one of her Davy Crockett hats? Why did Van Lier save Delphine? Cophine is here to stay, right?! Where is M.K.? Will Krystal get to go on a real mission? How many more clones can Tatiana Maslany introduce to us? What’s the deal with the swan? Where are the other Castor clones? And just how old is P.T. Westmoreland?
So Clone-Clubbers, until Season 5, we’ll just be here, sitting patiently.