Fans of the Discovery Channel might remember a fun show called Dirty Jobs. During the show, Mike Rowe traveled across the United States interviewing people with weird and disgusting jobs. For example, one episode featured sewer inspectors and another was on shark suit testers. There were certainly enough jobs in the real world to make Dirty Jobs a fascinating, gross, and hilarious show. However, imagine if Mike Rowe was able to search all the fandoms for thankless, odd, and dirty career paths. This post tries to do just that. Read below for six of the worst jobs in sci-fi and fantasy.
6. Cora (Once Upon a Time)
Dirty Job: The miller’s daughter, aka caretaker for a perpetual drunk
Employer: Deadbeat dad
Why the Job Sucks:
The writers of Once Upon a Time were always great at giving their villains sympathetic backstories. Cora is no exception. Before becoming a power-hungry villainess, Cora had the unenviable job of being the miller’s daughter (from “Rumpelstiltskin“). This awful career path involved financially supporting a perpetually drunk father by delivering flour to ungrateful aristocrats.
Cora’s only options for upward mobility were marrying a prince she didn’t love or learning dark magic (or both!). Cora’s story makes a great case for introducing feminism, democracy, and a more progressive economic system to the Enchanted Forest.
5. Chip (Beauty and the Beast)
Dirty Job: Adorable child laborer
Employer: A beast in prince clothing
Why the Job Sucks:
It’s doubtful that the Beast was a nice boss even when everyone in his household was human. Being turned into a bunch of household implements and furniture must have just added insult to injury.
Poor Chip has it even worse than his counterparts. Not only is he forced into child labor, but he doesn’t even get to be a fully functional teacup. While Chip is cute and maintains a great attitude, there is no doubt he has a pretty thankless job.
4. Argus Filch (Harry Potter)
Dirty Job: Child-whipping caretaker of Hogwarts
Employer: Anti-child-whipping headmaster
Why the Job Sucks:
Unlike Chip, Argus Filch is not famous for being cute or pleasant. After all, it’s pretty difficult to really like someone who enjoys whipping children. At the same time, there are moments throughout the Harry Potter series when it’s possible to empathize with Argus.
It can’t be easy being the caretaker of an ancient castle overrun by hormonal, messy, and mischievous teenagers. This task is undoubtedly even more complicated when the teenagers can cast spells, and your nemesis is an annoying poltergeist.
Filch is also constantly reminded of his lack of magic and has his favorite pet turned to stone. So, while Argus Filch may never be lovable, we can all recognize that he has a pretty horrible job.
3. Any Redshirt (Star Trek)
Dirty Job: Disposable background filler
Employer: The United Federation of Workplace Safety Violations (UFWSV)
Why the Job Sucks:
The United Federation of Planets is a remarkably inclusive and technologically advanced society that has even stopped world hunger. Yet, Starfleet (its military and diplomatic force) manages to neglect basic safety procedures for security and operations officers (i.e., Redshirts).
Redshirts die at staggering rates throughout the Star Trek series, and the deaths are generally quite unpleasant. Strangely, the other characters hardly notice that droves of their comrades are regularly zapped, pulverized, or possessed. It’s hard to imagine a “dirtier” job than being dispensable alien fodder. Someone needs to request an independent, intergalactic investigation.
2. Reek (Game of Thrones)
Dirty Job: Starving pet to a sociopath
Employer: Bastard butcher
Why the Job Sucks:
Westeros is not known for its friendliness (or great job opportunities), but few people have it as bad as Reek. He is not allowed to bathe, gets little to eat, and spends his time running errands for a sociopath.
Worse yet, his employer tortures him and cuts off multiple body parts. If these horrors are not enough, Reek is not even allowed to say his own name. It’s hard to imagine a more nightmarish job situation.
1. WALL-E (WALL-E)
Dirty Job: Mobile trash compacter –on an empty planet
Employer: The world leader in planetary destruction
Why the Job Sucks:
While all the jobs on this list are not very fun, WALL-E’s may qualify as the absolute worst. WALL-E is the sole sentient being on planet Earth, and his entire life consists of cleaning an endless trash heap.
To stay alive, he has to replace his parts with those of his fallen comrades. If that wasn’t bad enough, he’s been stuck in this role for a whopping 700 years. At least most of us can hope to retire someday.
