Fifty Shades Darker, the sultry erotic thriller based on the book of the same name, made a whopping $46.8 million during its opening weekend. What a time to be alive.
The film is planted firmly in guilty pleasure territory. That said, let’s dive into the nitty-gritty: these are the best worst lines from Fifty Shades Darker.
Ana: “You want a…what do you call it? A vanilla relationship?”
Christian: “I need you more.”
The Scene: After scaring Anastasia away with his BDSM baggage, billionaire Christian Grey attempts to win her back by doing all the right things: stalk her at a friend’s art show, cajole her into having dinner, send money into her account, etc.
Cringe Factor: 5/10. It’s the poor delivery on the actors’ parts that makes this exchange more silly than romantic.
“I’m the boyfriend.”
“I’m the boss.”
The Scene: Because she attracts one type of dude, Ana’s new boss Jack Hydee tries to steal her away from Christian by being verbally abusive and creepy. The first time Jack and Christian meet, the words above are exchanged. Uh, have you ever introduced yourself to a complete stranger in this manner? Probably not, unless you’re a sadistic, possessive white man competing for the same piece of property (in this case, it’s a woman. Yay!).
Cringe Factor: 8/10. Hashtag Not All Men?
[Ana hands Christian a tub of vanilla ice cream]
“Here… your new favorite flavor.”
The Scene: Ana takes Christian grocery shopping as her own special form of punishment. They stop in the freezer aisle and delivers the zinger above. HA-HA.
Cringe-O-Meter: 7/10. Nobody likes vanilla ice cream, not even ironically.
Christian: “I don’t know whether to worship you at your feet, or spank you.”
Christian: “I want to marry you.”
The Scene: Christian finally pops the question! Without a ring! And she says yes! (Eventually.) Sadly, the most honest exchange in the entire film plays as a joke, which I am guessing is not on purpose.
Cringe Factor: 10/10. Here’s to the happy couple! We wish them hundreds of fat children.