It started in your kitchen, just a bag of flour, some eggs, and a dream. Through hard work and dedication, you’ve grown your home-based cupcake business into a confectionery conglomerate. You need the best of the best to keep your company flourishing, but where can you find the right people for the job? Forget Monster or LinkedIn, the most qualified candidates available are right in your living room. These five beloved small-screen characters excel at what they do. Hire them, and they won’t disappoint.
Jared Dunn (Silicon Valley) – Chief Operations Officer
Do you want a soulless mercenary running your day-to-day operations, someone who’ll jump ship at the first better offer? Or do you want someone who believed in you long before even you did?
Jared Dunn will give you far more than just his genius-level knowledge of business development. Jared will pour his soul into your cupcake business, trading sleep and even his health to make sure every aspect of your company runs as smoothly as it can. If you can somehow pry him away from Pied Piper, Jared will dedicate himself to you so fully he won’t even mind that you don’t know his name is actually Donald.
John Diggle (Arrow) – Head of Security
You owe all of your success to your grandmother’s secret cupcake recipe which you keep safely locked away from prying eyes. Still, as you continue to grow, your competitors will stop at nothing to get their hands on the key to your kingdom. So, hire John Diggle to manage your security. He’ll not only protect your recipe, but he’ll keep shoplifting to a minimum as well. Who would chance slipping a sweet treat under their jacket with Spartan standing next to the gluten-free display?
John’s resume includes time as an Army Master Sergeant, A.R.G.U.S. Operative, and even the Green Arrow. John has spent his adult life fighting for his country, protecting Star City from the worst kinds of evil, and even saving the world. So, of course he’d want nothing more than to guard your little frosted cakes.
Jeri Hogarth (Jessica Jones) – In-House Counsel
Running a successful business is fraught with legal challenges. You’ll need more than just a good lawyer. You’ll need the best. Jeri Hogarth rose from nothing to become a name partner at one of the most prestigious law firms in New York City. Since then, she’s used that grit and determination to restore a company to its rightful heir and keep her superpowered former PI out of jail. She even secured the release of a convicted felon simply because she needed something from him.
Jeri won’t be your friend. She won’t give you pep talks or comfort you when things look bleak. She probably doesn’t even like your cupcakes. But if you can afford her, she will bring her ruthless ferocity to the defense of your empire.
Mike Ehrmantraut (Breaking Bad/Better Call Saul) – The Cleaner
Cupcakes are messy, and so is the business. Maybe the Board of Health is leaning on you and you want to lean back. Maybe Billy the delivery boy is skimming a little frosting off the top, if you know what we mean. As your empire grows, you’ll face challenges even a tenacious TV lawyer can’t fix.
Enter Mike Ehrmantraut. Mike spent years doing the dirty work for the most powerful drug kingpin in the Southwest. He knows what to do when things go sideways. No-nonsense and professional, Mike will keep the messier elements of the business from touching you, so you won’t have to dirty your hands with anything worse than cupcake batter. As a bonus, after he’s cleared away all evidence of what went down, you’ll have the cleanest kitchen this side of the Rockies. Plus we suspect Mike is secretly good at making frosting florets.
Janet (The Good Place) – Personal Assistant
The more your business grows, the more people demand a piece of your time. No matter how hard you juggle, you barely manage to accomplish a tenth of everything you need to do in a day. You need a personal assistant to organize your calendar, run errands, and make sure you remember appointments. Who better to assist you than Janet, a repository of all the information in the Universe?
Created to accommodate the lucky few who make it to the Good Place, Janet will remember everyone’s birthdays for you, provide you with up-to-date business data, and bring you literally anything you could want. You never have to wait on her, as she can travel from her void in an instant. Not only is she capable, but she’ll keep her upbeat attitude even when the world literally starts crumbling around her. Do you have trust issues? You can always tell if Janet is lying: if reality doesn’t fold in on itself, you’re fine. Just make sure your Janet doesn’t come from the Bad Place.
