5 Spider-Man Villains Too Terrible to Ever Appear in ‘Spider-Man: Homecoming’

Nick Peron
Comics Marvel
Comics Marvel Movies

Spider-Man: Homecoming will soon restart the entire Spider-Film series in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. And while there’s much to be excited about, some fans are criticizing is the choice of the Vulture and Shocker as villains in the film. Those two are fine, but it’s hard to compare them to Parker’s previous cinema enemies. However, looking at Spider-Man’s long list of possible villains, there are many worse choices.

Spider-Man has been in publication for over 50 years and has some of the most iconic villains in comics. Doctor Octopus, Green Goblin, Electro, Sandman, Mysterio, Scorpion and so many more. However, not every villain can be a winner, and Spider-Man has had some real stinkers over the years. Here are 5 of the worst would-be nemeses in Peter Parker’s rogues gallery — don’t expect to see them cast in the next sequel.

#5: The Kangaroo

Who is He?

Many of Spider-Man’s villains are animal-themed and typically that works. Unfortunately, not every animal translates very well into a supervillain motif.  Case in point: The Kangaroo. As his name might imply, he’s an illegal immigrant from Australia who can jump really well.

Why Does He Suck:

After smuggling himself into the United States, he started a career in crime. However, he was so bad at his job, he accidentally stole a vial of deadly bacteria and almost wiped out everyone in New York City. In his second foray, he attempted to rob a nuclear research plant. Trying to get away from Spider-Man, he ran into a highly radioactive room and was incinerated.

In all these botched robberies, he just carried his loot like a goon. Why adopt a kangaroo theme if you’re not going to have a pouch?

Where Is He Now?

The first man named Kangaroo was thankfully dead for years. Unfortunately, Marvel has a spare. Some idiot named Brian Hibbs took over the mantle by wearing kangaroo themed armor, which is at least a better look, and he’s still alive enough to be a random punching bag whenever a story calls for it. However, during the recent Dead No More storyline, Marvel revived the original Kangaroo as a clone to join an army of once-dead Spider baddies. Thankfully his return was mercifully brief.

#4: Big Wheel

Who is He?

Jackson Weele was a crooked businessman who hired the equally ridiculous Rocket Racer to steal documents that incriminated him in a crime. The Rocket Racer then blackmailed Jackson for more money. Jackson decided to fight fire with fire and had a massive gyroscopic wheel created to try and get revenge against the Rocket Racer.

Why Does He Suck:

On his first outing as Big Wheel, Jackson defeated himself by driving his device off a pier and into the Hudson River. Not the classiest debut in comic history.

He later went on to join Vil-Anon, which is basically Alcoholics Anonymous for bad guys. Looking at the type of villains who attend this group, you’ll not that there is not a single popular villain in attendance, which is really telling. And he’s one of the biggest losers of the bunch.

Where Is He Now?

Big Wheel relapsed back into a life of crime during Marvel’s first Civil War comic event. He was later hired to try and kill two Ghost Riders. It went as well as you could expect.

#3 – The Grizzly

Who is He?

Maxwell Markham was a professional wrestler who earned the ire of J. Jonah Jameson, publisher of the Daily Bugle. His editorials about Markham’s brutality in the ring got him fired from his job — doesn’t Jameson know it’s all fake? Naturally, Markham did the most rational thing: Paid a super evil scientist to make him a bear costume to enhance his strength.

Why Does He Suck?

You mean other than looking like a giant teddy bear? Well, the Grizzly became a regular punching bag of Spider-Man almost from the moment he debuted. Occasionally a new artist or writer will try to change up the Grizzly’s look to something less ridiculous but somehow manage to do a worse job.

Where Is He Now?

Another Vil-Anon inductee (surprise!), the Grizzly’s most humiliating defeat came when comedian Stephen Colbert dropped a statue on his head, though there’s some question on how canonical that is.

#2 – The Fly

Who is He?

Seth Brundle was an eccentric scientist who wanted to revolutionize transportation by creating a teleportation system. Unfortunately, when he tested it on himself, a fly was trapped inside the telepod. This comined the DNA of the fly causing Seth Brundle to turn into a hideous human/fly hybrid. In the film version of this origin, he was played by Jeff Goldblum.

Okay, seriously, that’s a much better origin story than the Fly who appeared in Spidey comics. J. Jonah Jameson wanted to create a new superhero to rival that of his constant nemesis, Spider-Man. So he had a scientist biologically engineer Robert Deacon into the fly. Instead of being the hero Jameson wanted, he became the villain he needed… OR something.

Why Does He Suck:

You’re trying to come up with an insect themed character to rival Spider-Man, and you picked the insect that’s most commonly found caught in a spider’s web. Great job, Jonah! Also, he was one of many D-list supervillains who found themselves gunned down by the Scourge of the Underworld.

Where Is He Now?

As I’ve mentioned before, the afterlife in the Marvel Universe is a constant revolving door. The Fly and a number of other Scourge victims were brought back to life by the Hood to try and kill Punisher. Keep in mind, these were some of the lamest villains ever conceived. Naturally, they were easily defeated. The Fly miraculously survived his encounter with the Punisher and is commonly seen around the Marvel Universe as a criminal for hire.

#1 – Hypno-Hustler

Who is He?

Hypno-Hustler is totally a product of the decade he was created in. He was a disco musician who hypnotized attendees of his live performances and then robbed them. Which is pretty accurate symbolism for the entire disco fad.

Why Does He Suck:

Hypno-Hustler original appearance happened when he attempted to rob a disco that Peter Parker and Harry Osborn were partying at. Things didn’t go so well for him and he was beaten once Spider-Man removed his headphones. If you’re defeated when someone takes off your earbuds, you’re a bad supervillain.

Where Is He Now?

Disco may be dead, but Hypno-Hustler has been on a bit of a comeback recently. He recently tried to kidnap Harry Osborn’s baby, then hired Deadpool to steal his goggles back from Spider-Man. Hustler also made cameo appearances in the current volume of Power Man and Iron Fist. Most recently, he was seen attending the funeral of Piranha Jones, who is also an infamously terrible character in his own right.

All these Spider-Man enemies are too terrible to include in a film, so if you see them in the next Spider-Man film, then you know they’ve officially run out of ideas.

Nick Peron
Stand-Up Comedian from Ottawa, Canada. Long time contributor at the Marvel Database Wiki. Banned in China.
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