Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon are revolutionary games in the Pokémon series, adding new myths and lore to the world. By far my favorite new detail is the deliciously dark Pokedex entries that overtly mention Pokémon getting eaten, both by other Pokémon and humans. Makes sense, right? They’re the only animals around, and you think everybody gets by eating Lava Cookies and Masaladas? No way.
I took a look at all the new island Pokémon indigenous to the Alola region and thought to myself, “Would I eat that?” So, in the spirit of the holidays, and the fact that I’m stressing out over what to bring to the annual family dinner, here are the five Alolan Pokémon I would definitely cook up and serve to the people I love most in the world.
Original Art Created by Grey White
I’m not the first person to find Bounsweet delicious, it’s a favorite of many predatory Pokémon. Its small size and delicious flavor make Bounsweet the obvious choice to start your holiday meal off right.
Recipe: Cran-Bounsweet Sauce
Now, don’t go for those canned Bounsweet sauces in the Poke Mart, that’s just a red gelatin and they hardly use any real Bounsweet. Making a fresh chunky sauce brings out the natural flavors of the fruit-shaped Pokémon, and you get the added texture and mouth feel of Alola’s most delectable treat. I mean really, with canned sauce you can hardly tell you’re eating a helpless little Pokémon at all!
Crabrawlers get the dubious honor of being one of the few Pokémon that are talked about as edible in the Pokedex itself. And for good reason. Everyone knows crabs are delicious and that their moistest meats are located in their legs and claws. And just look at Crabrawler’s claws! How is there not a Joe’s Crabrawler Shack on Alola?!
Recipe: Crabrawler Legs (of course)
Don’t overthink this one, let this feisty Pokémon’s flavor speak for itself. Squeeze a bit of Sitrus over them to really bring out the flavor. The nice thing is, these claws are so big you won’t have to fight with your family over who got enough. Of course, you’re probably going to need a ball pin hammer to get them open.
Ok ok, so maybe horse isn’t high on your list of meats to eat, but it’s not an uncommon choice in many parts of the world. At the age of nine, I first learned this fun fact when my family went to a rustic French restaurant. I inquired about the tartine du cheval and, upon seeing the horrified look on my twin sister’s face, I did what any good brother would do and promptly ordered it. I relished every gamey, cheese-covered bite of what, to my sister, was akin to eating Black Beauty, Artex, and Secretariat all wrapped together. Sorry Mudsdale, but I don’t see any other protein source as big and as meaty as you, so you’re the main course.
Recipe: Mudsdale Meatloaf
Mudsdale is a tough-as-nails stallion, and as such he’s probably not very tender on the tongue. A meatloaf solves this problem by grinding up your trusty steed and mixing him together with some breadcrumbs and a Tomat Berry-based sauce to keep the whole thing moist. Pair that with a nice Bordeaux wine and tell your niece to stop crying, it’s ruining the whole vibe.
There’s not a lot to work with in terms of edible fish in Alola. You certainly aren’t going to serve a Bruxish for dinner, not after it got all dolled up for a night on the town. And Pyukumuku is out of the question unless you’re trying to have a Fear Factor-style “who can eat this gross sea cucumber” competition. So that leaves Wishiwashi. Sure, it’s a tiny little fish, but you wait until it gets into its school form and you’ve got a fish bigger than your Uncle’s RV.
Recipe: Roasted Whole Wishiwashi
Let’s skip the oil and the heavy seasoning and bake this sucker. You gotta go for a whole fish recipe here. First, it’s the most flavorful way to prepare a fish, and second, it freaks people out when there’s a face on the meal, and frankly, this family dinner needs some excitement. See if you can’t get your little cousin to eat the eye and make your aunt faint.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Uh excuse me, that little space rock does not look edible at all!” but hear me out. Under Minior’s tough outer exterior is a soft, colorful interior. And as everybody in the culinary world knows, anything with a hard outer shell is protecting it’s succulent, delicious, squishy insides from predators.
Recipe: Broiled Minior in a Half Shell
Traditionalists are going to say that to truly appreciate a Minior you need to slurp it raw, but this isn’t a Four Seasons hotel bar and you’re not desperately trying to impress a date, so let’s cook these suckers. Get yourself a nice garlic herb butter, some rock salt, and breadcrumbs, and soon everyone will forget that you might be eating aliens.
And this is just the Alolan-specific Pokémon! If we expand the pool out to ALL the Pokémon, the culinary options seem infinite. And now that this is official Pokémon cannon, you have to imagine people have tried to eat basically all the Pokémon. At the very least somebody “accidentally” ate that one that is literally ice cream. Happy Holidays, everyone!