Aren’t video games an amazing art form? When players need to battle enemies, developers must give them several ways to take on their foes. Some developers go for your standard military-grade weapons that you could find in real life. But some, realising the laws of reality need not apply, go for far more creative (and crazy) options. Some developers gift their players with wacky tools of destruction that’ll leave them laughing hysterically as everything on the screen dies. Others provide stupid weapons that leave you wondering how on earth would they damage anyone?
With the release of Gears of War 4 around the corner, we’re taking a look at some of the most outrageous weapons in games so far.
Lancer Assault Rifle, a.k.a. The Chainsaw Gun – Gears of War series
First up is Gears of War‘s Mark 2 Lancer Assault Rifle — or namely, its Chainsaw Bayonet attachment. This attachment is a chainsaw on the end of a rifle for use in close range combat. It’s based on real bayonets, but it’s a chainsaw instead of the more traditional blade. The chainsaw attachment makes the weapon far more powerful, far more bloody, and far more outrageous. Interestingly, of all the weapons on the list, this may be the closest to actually being practical.
There’s a reason why this weapon is so popular among fans: it’s crazy, and extremely satisfying to use. Nothing is more fun than charging full speed at an enemy to thrust a chainsaw in them and cut them in half. The developers did an awesome job on the animations for this thing.
Laptop Gun – Perfect Dark
Rare worked on 007 Goldeneye, so they knew a thing or two about spy weapons when making Perfect Dark. The Laptop Gun is essentially what it says on the tin. It’s a submachine gun that doubles as a sentry gun disguised as a laptop. Its huge rate of fire makes up for its relatively low damage. As a sentry gun, it’s fragile and limited in ammunition but has great range and accuracy. It’s, therefore, effective defense, but not useful for long-term usage.
This is something any spy would love to have. Do paperwork like a boring office worker one minute, shoot everyone in sight the next. The only problem is it’d probably never get past any security worth its salt. In Perfect Dark Zero, it apparently runs “Windows 2020”, so that’s neat.
Shark-O-Matic – Saints Row: The Third
The Saint’s Row series is full of some crazy weapons. Some of these include the Dubstep Gun, the Infalto-Ray, Armchair-A-Geddon, and the Mollusk Launcher among others. All of these hilarious and really creative weapons make no sense at all. This is a series that doesn’t take itself seriously, and it’s brilliant.
But ultimately I had to go with the Shark-O-Matic. From Saints Row: The Third, this weapon covers its targets in fish guts before a shark swims up out of the ground and swallows its helpless target. It’s so fun (and so evil) to just terrorise the NPCs with this thing. So satisfying to use.
Blitzball – Final Fantasy X
This series has always been a mix of being really grounded and really outrageous. While the lore mostly takes itself seriously, it’s full of ridiculous moments, characters, and designs. It’s also got several joke weapons that just shouldn’t work. These include a gunblade, a freakishly large Buster Sword, and a musical instrument. Final Fantasy X was definitely full of ridiculous designs and weapons, chief among them was the blitzball.
A ball used in a sport of the same name and Wakka‘s weapon of choice — sorry, how does that damage an enemy? No seriously, how? And how does it damage the skin of a Godzilla-style monster immune to laser weapons? Some Blitzball designs have spikes, but that doesn’t help its case. Plus, how does Wakka throw it and catch it without stabbing himself with them?!
Sheepinator – Ratchet & Clank
Ratchet & Clank is a science fiction animated-style series with more emphasis on fiction than science and is another series filled with ridiculous weapons. This is how you get a gun spewing lava or a grenade forcing enemies to dance. This series is great for weapons that each have a strategic and hilarity value.
Of all of the possible options from the game series, I went with the Sheepinator. This weapon fires a beam that slowly morphs an enemy into a sheep. There’s just something awesome about leaving behind a trail of not corpses, but sheep. Especially since it’s faster on smaller enemies, morphing so many into sheep at once is beautiful. Upgraded, it morphs enemies into deadly sheep that damage enemies for you. Now you have an army of sheep to turn on the larger enemies you couldn’t morph.
Gun Chucks – Bayonetta
The Bayonetta series has such epic and stylish action that this weapon suits the game’s style perfectly. Known as Sai Fung, or gun-chucks, they work exactly how you’d expect: guns used in nunchaku combat.
With the fluid combat in the series, these guns fit right in with Bayonetta’s arsenal. They’re super convenient for switching between close and medium-range combat, which make for some really stylish combos. There’s also something so satisfying about slinging them around and spraying bullets everywhere. This has to be the craziest of Bayonetta’s weapons and some of the most fun to use.
Electric Axe – Dead Rising 4
This is a series full of outrageously overpowered weapons to mow zombies down with. In some cases, literally, mow them down. Ultimately, we still had to go with this unreleased weapon.
Dead Rising 4 isn’t out yet, but I had to include this weapon on the list. This weapon allows you to mow down enemies in numerous ways. You can hack them apart brutally, or raise your hammer like Thor and shock them all at once. In a series full of amazingly overpowered weapons, this looks like a very welcome addition to the list.
Keyblade – Kingdom Hearts
Keyblade. We’re not kidding. That is the main weapon used in the Kingdom Hearts franchise. An oversized magical key that you whack enemies with to defeat them.
Of course, this is coming from Kingdom Hearts, a fantasy series with a mix of Disney and Final Fantasy, so in this context, it actually makes sense. But still, you play as a character carrying a giant key that you whack enemies with. If that’s not outrageous, I don’t know what is.
Fat Man – Fallout 4
Fallout is a franchise which, at times, takes itself very seriously and at other times not at all. Its weapons are a clear example of the game not taking itself seriously, with many being outrageous. The mini nuke-launching Fat Man is the embodiment of this. The Fat Man fires a ridiculously powerful nuke that sets off the most satisfying explosion ever.
The best part is that its base version isn’t even the best you can get. From the Nuka-World add-on, for example, it can be upgraded to the Nuka-nuke launcher, firing more powerful Nuka-nukes.
Mr. Toots – Red Faction: Armageddon
Mr. Toots is easily the craziest weapon in Red Faction: Armageddon, if not in all of gaming history. This weapon is a unicorn that looks horrified as it shoots rainbow lasers from its backside. And enemies killed with it explode into rainbows and butterflies. Amazing.
This secret is an amazing easter egg the developers threw in. It’s basically a reference to the Nyan Cat meme in weapon form. You honestly don’t get much more ridiculous, and much more satisfying than this. Unfortunately, you can only obtain it after finishing the first storyline.
Need more firepower to defeat enemies? Check out our list of the best weapons in games that you may not have realized were available.